She Still Thinks About You: Why It's Never Too Late to Check In

Families often assume that once their loved one is settled into an adult family home, my job is done. I understand why. The paperwork is signed, the move-in is complete, and life starts to find its new rhythm. But that's really just the beginning of the relationship, not the end of it.

What happens after your loved one moves in?

I like to check back in within about a week, either with the family directly or with the adult family home itself, just to see how things are settling.

From there, it depends on the home and the family. If your loved one is in one of the homes I visit regularly for nurse delegation, I'm already there on a routine basis, so I get to see how things are going firsthand. For the first few months, I'll often send the family a short email with what I'm observing. Sometimes we'll talk on the phone about a concern that's come up. Every family is different, and I try to match how in touch they want to be.

Why do I keep thinking about families long after their case is closed?

Honestly, my head space is often taken up thinking about the families I've worked with and how they're doing.

I'm a fairly shy person by nature, so I tend to prefer sending a text or an email than a phone call. But I want families to know I'm always at the other end of the line, or the keyboard, and that I think about them more than they probably realize. I want to know their loved one is thriving, and I want to be able to do anything I can to help that along.

There's a gentleman I placed whose dementia has progressed quite far. His wife still visits often, and I know she wishes he could be more engaged, doing puzzles, singing along to songs, the kinds of activities he used to enjoy. But he's past the point where that's possible for him now. What I've come to understand, and what I try to gently help families see, is that his best form of participation might simply be sitting there, hearing her voice. He may not be able to respond the way he once did, but I believe he knows she's there. That still matters. It's one of the harder truths in this work, that stimulation alone can't bring someone back, and it can be painful for families to accept. But even in that hard place, connection still counts for something.

You don't have to wait until something's wrong to call

I want families to know I love hearing from them when things are going well too, not just when there's a problem.

A family recently placed the husband's mother after flying in from out of state with only a couple of days to make it happen. It felt like everything lined up at once. A home I knew well had an opening that very morning, and I was able to show them two options right away. They chose the one that fit like a glove. Afterward, they sent me the most heartfelt card, just so grateful for how quickly things came together. That kind of note means everything to me. I put a lot of myself into this work, and hearing that a family is happy is one of the best parts of it.

I know some people hesitate to reach out just to share good news, especially if they're shy like I am and don't want to take up my time. Please don't worry about that. Whether you'd rather call, text, or send an email, all three work well for me, and I'll get back to you quickly no matter which one you choose.

What I wish more families understood

Everyone I work with in this field, other placement professionals, home owners, caregivers, we're all doing it because our hearts are genuinely in it. Stepping into someone's life at such a vulnerable moment, and helping them find a home where their loved one will be truly cared for, is something I don't take lightly.

It does get harder in certain situations. My deepest knowledge is in East King County, roughly from Renton to Kirkland. When a family's budget means looking outside that core area, I have to work a little harder to make sure the fit is right, since I don't know those homes and providers as well. I still do it, because finding the right home matters more than finding a quick one. But I want families to know that when I recommend a place close to home, it's because I know it well, inside and out.

It's never too late to reach out

If you placed your loved one months ago and you're wondering whether it's too late, or unnecessary, to check in with me now, it isn't. I'm always here.

And if something about the placement isn't working, I want to know. Sometimes it's not about the quality of care at all. It might be that a family member's ability to drive there safely has changed, or the roads have gotten more difficult to navigate. Whatever the reason, if it's not the right fit anymore, we can start looking for something better. That's part of what I'm here for.

I’d love to hear from you.

This is the kind of relationship I hope to build with every family from the very start, not a service that ends once you've moved in, but a partner who stays present for as long as you need one.