Stress-Free Transition: Easing the Move to an Adult Family Home

Photo by Jixiao Huang on Unsplash

You’ve made the important decision to move your loved one to an adult family home so they can receive 24/7 care, but how can you best prepare for this transition in a stress-free manner? This article offers tips based on our years of experience walking with families who’ve gone through a similar situation.

Preparing for a smooth transition

First, convincing your loved one that they need to move and receive full-time care in an adult family home is often met with great resistance. If your loved one is living at his or her own home, making a smooth transition to a family home can be a bit more challenging. If they are fully alert and oriented, it is often possible to rationalize with them about the cost of in-home care and the fact that it is not safe for them to live at home alone. If dementia is involved, it's often best to prepare them by first getting them used to having someone in their space assisting with care and building trust. 

Involve the doctor early

Equally important is getting your loved one’s doctor on board with the upcoming move. The doctor’s authority and knowledge can often reduce anxiety or resistance from your loved one, and you can work together to address behaviors and sleep patterns a few weeks ahead of time. For example, if the client is “sundowning’ or having agitation in the midafternoon onward to evening, addressing this agitation with an antipsychotic medication can be helpful. Starting this medication a couple of weeks ahead of the move will allow you to see how they are reacting to the medication and if it is helping the situation.

Regarding sleep patterns, if your loved one is a night owl, or worse, a night wanderer, the doctor may suggest a mild sleep aid earlier in the evening to help them adjust their sleeping hours to be more in keeping with an adult family home setting. This is not to say that a person can’t stay up later and enjoy watching TV or reading into the night, but establishing a good sleep/wake schedule will be helpful for all. 

Monitor for oversedation. This is not desirable, so if your loved one is groggy or unable to do simple tasks they were previously able to do, it may be too strong of a dose. Also, monitor for a change in gait or increased unsteadiness. This change can be dangerous and bring on falls. 

On the other hand, if you are seeing that your loved one is more at ease and less agitated – without being overly drowsy or unsteady – the medication is likely properly dosed. If your loved one was previously not sleeping well and now can sleep through the night, that’s a solid indication that the sleep aid is working as intended.

Handle conversations about the move carefully

Due to agitation and anxiety issues in folks with dementia, most professionals working with this population feel it’s best not to verbally prepare them for the new home too far in advance. Something that has worked for others is framing the move as temporary and necessary to repair an unsafe issue within the home, such as a pest problem or roof leak. Keep explanations simple and pleasant: “We need to move you temporarily while the issue is repaired.” You can regularly remind them by saying, “For now, this is a safe place to be and we are working on getting everything fixed.” 

Prepare by introducing familiarity

It can also be very helpful for the adult family home providers to visit your loved one in their own setting before the move. Doing so can build a sense of familiarity and trust. It also works well if they bring a small treat, such as chocolate, to make the visit more pleasant and create a positive association.

Setting up your loved one’s new room so it matches their home as much as possible will also help. Bring favorite pictures, a blanket, a special chair, etc. to make the new space feel familiar and comfortable.

Be patient with the transition

Understand that it often takes about a month for your loved one to start feeling like they are “home” in their new surroundings, and around three months before they feel completely settled in. Limit your visits during the initial adjustment period based on the adult family home provider’s recommendations. As hard as this transition is, give your loved one the space and time to get to know and trust the caregivers, and adapt to the new environment.

Return to the relationship

Families often experience difficult emotions, including guilt, when moving a loved one to a care setting. They may feel they are abandoning their duties. In reality, they have a duty to live full productive lives themselves– being there for their own families, pursuing careers, and enjoying pleasures in life. You will have more of yourself to give if you take good care of yourself. 

If you were a full-time caregiver for your loved one, you likely didn’t have the time to do many special things with them since you were often in task mode. Realize that the time you are spending with them now is precious, allowing you to focus on the pleasure of being together without the pressure of caregiving. If the loved one moving to an adult family home is your spouse, it is even more challenging to let go of the guilt. There isn’t an easy solution for letting go, but recognizing the physical and mental toll that full-time caregiving takes can help. Your loved one needs you to be strong and available, and you may find that you become a much better spouse if the “care” is handled by someone else and you focus on providing the love. 

Find ways to make the visits with your loved one special: play a game of cards, watch a favorite TV show, bring enjoyable treats to eat (but limit sweets), or give mom a special manicure and dad a good foot rub. If there are several children involved in the elder’s life, it's nice if the visits can be spread out between the siblings.  It can be overwhelming for several visitors to come at the same time, so establish a schedule where each family member visits on a particular day. That way, you can each enjoy your own special time with your loved one. Do your best to put the guilt away. It is very important that you have your own life, too. Let the move to an adult family home free you from caregiving responsibilities, allowing you to focus on cherishing your relationship with your loved one.

Transitioning a loved one to a care setting is undeniably one of the most challenging decisions a family can face. However, with thoughtful preparation and a focus on building trust, this change can lead to a safer, more nurturing environment for your loved one. Remember, this move is an act of love and care, ensuring they receive the support they need while allowing you to reclaim your time and energy for the relationship itself. Embrace the opportunity to focus on the moments of joy and connection that can now take center stage, knowing that both you and your loved one are supported in this next chapter of life.

Calm Harbor Placements specializes in tailored elder care placement in adult family homes in East King County, WA. Reach out if you’re searching for a solution.